Loneliness

I decided to start my blogging journey simply because I was numb, exhausted, and lonely.

I am an introvert, so leaving the house can be challenging when I’m having bad days. I suffer with PTSD, Central Sensitivity Syndrome, depression, and anxiety, amongst other medical conditions. This causes me to feel very deeply, without being able to show it physically to people, because it’s all invisible.

Unless you have a physical disability or a visible burn or rash, it can be incredibly draining trying to explain what is happening in your body and your mind, especially when there is nothing to see.

I’m not a writer, and I’ve always put myself down for overthinking and believing I’m not good enough in this world compared to all the talented souls out there smashing life. I often think, why would I even try when someone else is already doing it better?

Well… a lot has happened over the last few months, and especially over the last couple of weeks. My mental capacity has taken quite a battering, leaving me barely leaving the house for months. I’ve been struggling to find any reason as to why I should keep going.

I had no one to talk to about what was happening inside my head. It’s very difficult for people to understand, and people often want to offer advice — which isn’t helpful and sometimes makes things worse. So I started believing that not talking to anyone and keeping to myself was easier to deal with.

But that mindset has gotten me into quite the pickle recently.

I always knew about blogging, but because — as I said above — so many people do it better, I didn’t even want to try. Silly, I know. But that mental state of you are not good enough is a shit thing to deal with.

I’ve been trying so hard to start a business from home online (and I’ve tried many other methods already). Because I struggle with the outside world and being alone is lonely, I hoped this would be my calling.

I’ve read many blogs, but the other day I was reading one I found on Pinterest from Making Sense of Cents. It was essentially about how to get started blogging, and I finally gave in and decided I’d give it a go. Maybe not to make a living, but to build a system of telling my story — so people can relate, take comfort, and know they’re not alone on their journey.

At this moment, with everything that has happened and is happening, my brain capacity feels like it’s at zero. I’m forgetful. My mind constantly feels bruised, like it’s been beaten up, and taking on new information feels impossible.

So by releasing what’s inside my head, I’m hoping it will help me clear space — empty the toxic jar — and slowly make room for better things. Positive things. New learnings. Small moments of light.

There is hope, after all… right?

Quietly Sharing,

Tina